I Never Claimed I was Normal

Oh I noticed that my spellling was atrocious on the last post.
Too bad.
If it bothers you well...F.R.O

lol
Phil

Oh I noticed that my spellling was atrocious on the last post.
To bad.
If it bothers you well...F.R.O

lol
Phil

Well as all good artits and geniuses I have decided to keep myself interesring to the world by being aloof.

I hope that not posting for 2 months has accomplised that:)
I also hope that some people still read this..

On with the show.... In the spirit of my girlfriend and one of our friends,( the unsinkable Maggie Brown)
I have decided to mention the select group of people who have won this years F.R.O. awards.
Yes these are the coveted FUCK RIGHT OFF distinctions that you merit,. you lucky few.

So in no particular order or priority here we go:

To all the assholes who take perverse joy in asking me " Hey, workin' hard or hardly working??",
get a new catchphrase, and then of course....Fuck right off.... or right fuck off.... heh heh

To all you ladies who seem to think that wearing skin-tight shirts and shortie shorts does NOT allow me to oogle you..............Fuck right off.....

This one goes out to the lady that always seems to be in front of me at the grocery store, standing there staring at the magazines, looking outside, talking to her friend, etc... Then she gets to the front and stares vacantly at the teller as she rings all her stuff in. The teller tells her how much it is, and then and only then does she decide to open her frickin purse and starts to dig through it for her card(s), bringing out old crimply kleenexes and driver's licences from when Defenbaker was P.M. Meanwhile my icecream is melting, my leg is falling asleep, the guy behind me just farted, and she still hasen't found what she's diggin for. Finaly she pulls out a card, only to find out that the bloody strip on it doesn't work, and she's too stupid to replace the goddammed thing. She then pulls out little wads of green things that she straightens out and turn out to be twenty dollar bills she had all along!!!!!!!
You little madam unprepaired can EL FUCKO RIGHT OFFO!!!!

A cheer to the pedestrian who walks out of Zeller's/Safeway/Wallmart/ at full speed with 10 packages and doesn't bother to look in any direction, feeling he owns the place. You give us all a bad name asshole, and I give you the anal salute......and F.R.O.....

On the other side of the coin I would like to kindly give a Fuck Right Off to dipshit who feels that doing 85 kph in a parking lot is acceptable, hey Mario Andretti, slow the fuck down, there's an asshole not looking where he's going leaving the store as we speak........grrr F.R.O.

A special F.R.O. to dumb people, not just your typical stupid folk, you know the type who think unthaw means to get warm, no I'm talking about the type who walk into glass doors, spill there drink by looking at their watches. Or the moron I saw the other week who put like 15 packets of ketchup on his burger and then went to takes a bite, you can picture the rest I'm sure. The scary part was when his family joined the table, this meant he breeded!!!!...........Fuck right off.

People who think 4-way stop's are a vague concept,
People who pick their noses in public,
People who fart in elevators just as they get off,
People who don't signal,
People who do signal, but never turn anywhere,
The cashier who puts the coins on top of the bills then hands me the mess,
The 378 pound woman who thinks spandex is ok,
Fat guy's in speedo's
My neighbor's who always slam their door,

And last but not least, the old man up the street, who, upon the second all the snow is gone, decides to rev up his lawnmwer and 6 in the fucking morning!!! This thing pounds out more decibles than a Metallica concert, and he then has the balls to complain when someone goes buy with a loud stereo in the middle of the afternoon.... well father time.... a big polygrip soaked FUCK RIGHT OFF for you!!!!


aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh
I feel much better now.
I should post more often now too:)

peace
Phil

Well, I realise it's been a little whiel since my last real update and rant.
I have been a little distrcted as of late. It seems a wonderful woman has found her way into my life, and as a result has enriched it enough to the point of me being happy.
I know this sounds sappy and not funny or acidic but thats the scoop true believers.

I have to add tho that the roller coaster that is my thoughts still rides a merry loop-de-loop once in a while. I have experienced quite the range of emotions this last few weeks. Most recently was discovering that what I thought I knew about someone was a little askew. It seems that someone I once held with a little esteem has disapointed me in actions that speak of them being somewhat shallower and more coniving than I would have thought. Not to mention their immediate circle of friends who let this all happen, in fact encouraged it. So it seems I misjudged a few individuals. Ah well c'est la vie. A few more useless tits to add to my growing list of "wastes of skin".

I will not go into details or mention names in any of this, but all that is needed to know is that my view has changed.

On the upswing I have found friendship in others that seem genuine and look to be good people. Let's hope that stays as such. I am still naieve enough to believe in giving everyone a fair chance to bury themselves before I judge them.

So stay tuned spidey-fans I will surely have lots to comment on the political news and such in the next few days. My rose colored world is setting in, so I can see all objectively again!!!!!

Till next time
peace

I am as bad as Lazerus for posting lately.
I have been doin thins, getting a life and all.
I find that slows you down a little in the posting dept.
I owe a roomate rant and a few other things as well.
I promise I will post during the weekend.
Work has been a tiny bit tireing as well.

I will speak soon.

If progress means to go forward does congress mean to go back???
Appropriate name for a gov't body......

I had a couple of good suggestions for rants, I will get to the roomate one soon.

As I was reading the suggestions I heard again for like the five millionth time, that they are re-opening the investigation into princess Di's death.
It's only been what?? 7 years since it happened???

Let's start with the royals in general. A bunch of figure-head, no power, self indulgent idiots that do nothing but smile and keep a fragile british sensibility going. Only the truly bored or stupid find any excitement in following their trials and tribulations.
Why do we still pretend to be a comonwealth country?? What does our govener general do anyway??? other than hug people and go to functions to hug more people?? Should be the Hugmaster general.

As far as Di is concerned I don't see why they need to investigate anything, she was a victim of fowl play.
Let's review this from a man's perspective shall we??

A but ugly rich guy with big ears and shitty teeth, scores with a hot school teacher. So after much hassle from his family he fenagles her into marrying him. She then goes on top be prettier, smarter and generaly more popular than him. She then obviuosly stops giving ol Chuckie the num-num's.
The worst part is she gives up the old love grotto to anyone else who sings for her. Brian Adams has an affair with her and writes a song..... hmmmm
Then she dresses as a 12 year old boy and moonwalks into Michael Jackson's little playhouse. Hence the song " Dirty Dianna".
I am sure that was the final straw, add in the fact that his attempt at cheating got him Camilla Parker- Bowles......eeeecchh.... now she looks like a 40 year old boy.

So Dianna is doing every guy but him, and is more popular......WHAK.

Now he starving for attention again, so he will exploit her death knowing full well they will never be able to prove his culpability.
Somone should grab him by those big arse ears of his and shove his head back up his own ass.

I know this is not much on the rant scale but I will elaborate tomorrow on the roomate from hell!!!!!


quote of the day:
" I believe in karmac balance, but I really don't remember anal raping a nun with a flaming dildo!!!"

gong

I am in a glorious mood today, with all this f'n cold weather.
I need something to rant about, something fresh.

Please help me out by giving me some suggestions.
I will pick one and go nuts.
A rant by request if you wish:)

peace

Well It's been a little while since my last entry, but I have been both busy and lazy, so without further ado.......

I like most people I know like to follow trends, and well in the spirit of both a friend of mine and my girlfriend, I am going to roast a certain individual.
I know that she has been mentioned over 2 other blogs, but hey lets make it a hat-trick!!!

Now, as I also doubt nobody here other than select witnessess will even know who I am talking about, I feel less guilty than I should.

I will refrain from using real names for the sake of litigation, but other names I am sure I may use, right Anne?? Mike??? Bri??

With that out of the way let us set the stage. My friend and her partner were hosting a party on saturday. It was a martini and cheesecake party. I will go on record as saying I hate cheesecake, and am so-so on martini's, but the company is what I went for. Bri and I arrived there about 8 ish, and brought our own version of snacks to trade for whatever yummies were to be there.
I will also put in shameless plug here for my gf, that she wonderful and sweet and is willing to drive even in the shitiest of conditions to do things with me.
That said..................

We came in, said our hellos and hugged our way into the living room.
Anne introduced me to a nice fellow and his kewpie doll.
I thankfully forget her name, but the rest of the experience is burned into my frontal lobe like a tumor, and I get eerie flashbacks.
The moment she opened her mouth to say her version of hello, the I.Q. average dipped like 5 points. I was stunned.
As I sat there and listened to her utter nonesense, I finaly understood why someone would become an alcoholic. I needed to make it stop, somehow.

To simply call this woman "vacant", would be like calling a derelect crackhouse
a "fixerupper". I have heard of people falling out of the stupid tree, but she must have hit every branch on the way down.

I was just about to attempt a feint maneuver, by asking an intelligent question,
hopefully stunning her into some sort of thinking impossibility, when she out moved me by quickly switching focus to Bri. She then utters the words
" You were much smaller when I saw you last....".
Anne and I looked at each other the way 2 people about to ram their car into a wall would, waiting for the fire. You see my darling Brianna has an even more acidic tongue than I, and wields it in battle like the finest valkyrie!!
But to her credit, and our amazement,she blinked and moved on.

Well I feel at this point I should point out that normaly, I too would have lit this walking reason-vaccum on fire, but for some unknown reason I chose to just opt with leaving the room she was in. Continuously, all evening.
Now I am, in my own defence, a very patient man when it comes to idiots, morons, and generaly thought-impaired people. Heck I put up with little miss
"J's" for a few years now, I thought this to be my greatest challenge though.

I cannot hold back any more, a few things that were running through my mind that I should have said:

" Why don't you fall down more???"
" Does someone write this material for you or do you make this shit up as you go???"
" Oh, sorry , I thought you said something resembling a phrase there...."
" careful don't blow your whole vocabulary in one sentence!!"
" So did you meet your boyfriend at re-hab??"
" hey hey, over here... woohoo...."
" Can you point that at someone else please???"
" Wow, I've never seen someone who's brain shut off when their mouth opens before...."
"Please tell me you don't drive...."
" You take up a lot of valuable air in here you know..."



Ahh that feels a little better. I really felt sorry for the other poor victims who were not as lucky as I and had to actually listen to her for too long.
Dear V and I, especialy.

Well I think I should stiop before I get really evil and wish undo harm upon her for the crimes she commited against my ears, and for the precious minutes she stole from my existance.

The party itself was hit, I had great fun and can't wait to visit my friends again, but if I ever run into this woman again, I promise to back over her and finish the job.

the vent has left the building

peace

Well I finaly joined the ranks of the initiated and went to go see
Return Of The King last night. I went with my mother and my girlfriend, proving my uber geekiness once again.

The first thing I must say is that as a movie in of itself it was incredible.
The special effects alone were amazing, and the battle scenes---- woah.!

I think that if I had never read the books, 7 times through at the last count,
I would have loved it 100 %.
That said, I loved it 90%, better than almost any other movie I have ever seen, includng the first 2 installments.
I will try no to be spoily as I believe there still must be at least 3 people in the world who have not seen it yet.

Positives
Special effects were mostly seemless, and just fucking incredible.
The pace was good and kept me interested 100% of the way.
The scenery is beautiful as well.
The acting was for the most part above par. Theodin is the most inspired character I have seen in years.
The casting is absolutely perfect. I believe every one in there parts, looks and all.
Liv Tyler once again did not disapoint me as I keep thinking she will. I have a lot more respect for her.
Hugo Weaving did not break into " good day mmmmister AAAAAragorn" once in the movie.
Gandalf doesn't once say " Hocus Pocus". but " fool of a took" seems to be his favorite line.
Very believeable bad guys as well. No 2 orcs just quite look the same either..A plus

Negatives
Not very many here, a few editing boo-boo's all forgivable tho.
Obviuosly they had to change some story and how certain things occured.
I was one one hand ok with the choices they made for the differences.
Except one.----- Denethor.
His personality is good, even his words, but I hate the way they portrayed him with Gandalf, and how they leave him. I will say no more for spoily sakes.
Any who wish to discuss this point with me, I will gladly do so in person!!
Where was the scouring of the shire??? waaaa



Overall tho it was a great experience, and even an emotional one at points.

This film will definatly get another viewing on the big screen, and purchasing of the " extended" dvd version is guarenteed.

If you have not seen this movie, do so. If you are a fan of the genre, you will love it. If you like movies in general, you will like it. If you have eyes in your head you will like it.

Final verdict:
4.89 out of 5


" When I die, I want to go peacfuly in my sleep, like my Uncle Frank.
Not screaming and yelling like the passengers on his bus..."

Love

Earlier this month I had what I thought was the joy of seeing a true classic film.
I sat down with some friends and my GF to watch
The Exorcist

I was horrified, I was stunned and shocked.
This was perhaps the worst horror film I have seen in years.
It's supposed to be a classic, ahead of its time, true fear.
The only thing scary in this movie is Ellen Burstyn, the woman who plays the mother.
I have seen better acting from Keeanu Reeves, hell even in Point Break he was better.
The characters had crappy motivation and the director made some of the silliest choices ever. Has this guy even taken Hitchcock 101????
The only redeeming scene was of Reagan shoving her moms face in her crotch yelling "eat me!! eat me!!". And that was only because I wish I could have done that for real after 2 hours of shitty film.
How this film got rated a classic is a crime.
Trust me if you want good scary horror from the past, watch the first
Alien movie.
That was scary, there is tension, suspence and it adheres to the cardinal rule, what you don't see is what scares the shit out of you.

So I must wonder when people tell me it's the best horror ever, if thay actualy saw it or are they swallowing all the hype.

Advice: watch with your hands in front of your eyes, or you might get some on you.

I give this move 2 hairy-knuckled middle fingers up.

peace